Nickels and Dimes:
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime — Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel is bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it and so far I’ve made 2 bucks.”
The ABC’s:
Little Johnny’s class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an “advanced” vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with “A”, Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he’ll say “ass” so she calls on Mary Lou, who says “apple”.
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to “R”. She can’t think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He says, “R is for rats – big f**king rats with 12 inch c**ks!”
The Mouse:
Little Johnny walks into his dad’s bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look
under the bed. Little Johnny asks curiously, “What are you doing, Dad?”
His father quickly replies, “I thought I saw a mouse go under the bed.”
Little Johnny replies, ”What are you going to do – screw him?”
Finding Jesus:
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.”
Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!’”
Art Class:
Little Johnny is in art class. The art teacher asks, “what are you drawing?” Johnny answers, “a cow eating grass,” “where’s the grass?” “The cow ate it!” “Oh…what about the cow?” “She ran away!”
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